So I haven't posted an entry in some time now. So I figured I would get going on a new one. This year is proving to be overflowing  with the unexpected. Heart break, leaving behind an entire life. All my belongs everything. My husband decided he preferred a life without the responsibility of a family so he took a hike. Leaving me to pick up the pieces of our lives and find a way to maintain sanity while I tend to three small children. Pack everything I could into a mini van and drive to California.
I went from living in a house that was hollow, a life that existed there no longer a reality. To having to beg my now ex sister in law if she would mind if the family her brother abandoned could sleep on her floor until we were able to drive the long distance to California. It was an extremely long two weeks. But we made it.

My mother flew into Colorado so I wouldn't have to make that drive alone. What a drive it turned out to be. My car battery wouldn't hold a charge once the car was shut off it wouldn't start back up. Getting gas became a quest to find a decent human being would wouldn't mind jumping our car. At times it was the first person we asked. Once I had a guy, a rude toothless fuck who came from his car shop to give us a jump because his girlfriend called and asked him to do it. I was so happy that someone would come all that way just to help us. But soon found out he was nothing more than a guy trying to get something out of it. When I thanked him with everything I had in me his response was "Thank you's dont pay the bills!" If it wasnt going to break us to give him some cash we would have gladly. But having just been dumped out in the cold by a worthless husband our money was tight. It was barely enough to get us home to California. I told him politely that I wish I could give him some but we needed all we had to get us where we were going. He lost it for a bit before his girlfriend slapped him and told him to get back into his truck. Then apologizing to us. Needless to say in our journey through begging for the kindness of strangers we found both kind and caring people who went out of their way above and beyond to help us and we found assholes who made it seem as though we were fools for even being on the road.

Getting here to California was just one hurdle. Now I am forging my way through a life unexpected. Am I not happy? I am surprisingly happier than I have been for the past 8 years of my life. I have love surrounding me. My children for the first time in their lives have a man, their uncle who spends time with them. Who doesnt come home and yell at them for being children and making noise. They are happy which makes me happy. I have gone back out into the dating world. It was scary the first few steps. I have already been wounded and rejected. And yet, out of the mist a sign of hope. The possibility of love.

He is the man I've always dreamed of but always thought just simply could not exist. He is the right blend of spices for me. Not too serious, a bit of an odd ball, artistic, humble, ever searching, loving, a bit shy, a bit naughty, a little bit of bad boy. How could you go wrong with that combination. He is like me a walking contradiction. Maybe the missing note to my symphony. I dont know what the future holds with him. Though I could possibly see myself loving him for the rest of my life. That is both scary and freeing at the same time.

I have a trip to take in July with Dani. Tuscany here we come!!! I have always wanted to go and have to admit I do wish I were going with that special someone. Dani is the next best thing to that. She and I would joke of our torrid Italian love affairs whilst in Italy. However, if I am right and I have found my night in shimmering armor. Then there will be only an affair with Italy. The men will have to go without a dose of the Dee.

I think that will be it for now. I shall have to come back and visit with you more often. It's been awhile and I think I miss you.

Till then my friend

The Bluest Bird

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The days are blending together again. I've found less places to hide and so am forced to confront the fact that I am extremely bored with my life. Me the adventurer the ever confident wanderer has been confined inside. Unable to breathe for fear of exploding. It's beginning to wear on me. I have little energy nor do I have the patience to deal with just about every aspect of daily life. Where does this leave me you ask?
In search of happiness once again. Will I find it? Perhaps, or perhaps I will become another victim of a life unfulfilled.

Seriously what ever happened to the great films? I am sitting here going through my collection of VHS. That's right VHS tapes and good lord we had some wonderful movies. Up until the 2000. It became very much about how hot you were not really about the talent you possessed. I am thinking about watching Copycat. That movie is fandibulous and if you have not seen it yet. Please do yourself a favor. Rent it. May have to hunt it down and find it on amazon in VHS because they still haven't converted all movies to DVD yet. It's a good one let me tell ya.